The Alchemist (a Poem)

Forgive me father, for I have sinned.

There is a jar under my bed where I keep my other secrets.

It’s glowing so bright, I don’t know where else to keep it. 

I can’t even bear to tell you now.

Don’t ask me why, I understand nothing about how

To follow my heart down the path carved for me 

Without twisting my ankles because I can’t even see

The road beneath my feet, which doesn’t seem to take

Any heed of my heavy and tired heartache.

Why am I blind? Father can’t you tell?

The more I try to find, the quieter the spell.

From roaring in my ear to a slipping, rushing whisper.

From a nursery rhyme to a level three tongue twister. 

The jar glows bright if I watch it from afar.

It’s when I reach out to touch it that my vision becomes marred.

Like squinting at a mirage! Which I just learned about in school.

It seems what I reach for makes of me, a fool. 

It’s better that I let it stay beneath my bed.

I’ll sleep in peace, and rest my weary head.

Why am I sorry? Why have I sinned?

I imagine it’s God who’s the one to rescind

The light as I reach out my wondering hand

And the song I strain for as I wander that darkening land.

It must be something divinely forbidden

That it so unfailingly succeeds in staying hidden.

Forgive me my curious mind.

It cannot be mine though I feel intertwined

With this beckoning thread of gold-

Glowing brightest while I can’t take hold.

<3 i

Written and edited in 2020. Submitted to an indie literary magazine for their themed “Nostalgia” issue in 2024. They didn’t have room to publish it by the time I submitted it! But risking rejection at all was difficult for me, so I am proud I even sent that email.