mercy’s dream

I fell in love with the devil once.

Let me start over.

I fell in love with a man once. I’m pretty sure he was the devil. 

He snuck onto earth via the grocery store milk aisle, which is where I encountered him, of course. He introduced himself as Joseph, but I heard a passerby  say “John,” so I called him nothing. No need. Embarrassed to be seen with the devil, I lived a double life, naturally. There was something about self-flagellation that felt like heaven to a heathen. I had a stellar ( truly superstar)  reputation and it was satisfying to ruin everything so completely, even undercover.

He would tell me a story about the loneliest man who ever lived. This man loved his mom, but hated everything else. My favorite part was how much he hated himself. He had a gun he would take out from under his bed, just to look at. He’d never actually taken a shot, but fantasized about everything he’d do with it once The Moment came. 

I was reminded of news articles I’d read, where a man loses his will to live, so he just takes other lives to cope. 

The reason I loved the devil was that after meeting him, my sleep improved. The nights passed quickly, but the darkness was delicious, decadent, divine. I dreamed about the devil as different vegetables, imagining the recipes I’d make with each iteration. A little garlic here, a fine chop there. I woke up ravenous every day and ate a cube of cheese to avoid collapse.

I got bored,  found reasons to hate whatever I was before, killed myself. I burned my journals and wiped my computer. I stopped showing up in photos–  like a vampire. Straight from the Bible. How could he find me now?

This piece is named after an 1858 painting by an American artist, currently in the Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC.

“Mercy’s Dream” was included as a vignette accompanying the allegorical “Pilgrim’s Progress” by John Bunyan.

It sparked criticism and discussion in it’s time of the pitfalls of separating art from the artist. The artistic context partially inspired this teeny weeny story. I hope you like it!

To see more information on the painting and to see it in high quality- visit the MET.