Living a Big Life (Part II): My Age of Magical Underthinking

To continue from Living a Big Life (Part I), I’d like to note that I’m an incredibly competitive person.

I’ve been thinking about this since January, which is either evidence of deep engagement or an occasional failure to let things go. Probably both.

I love games, I love racing, I love to win! I’ve always been the type of person in which others See Potential. I’ve never been told to think a little more realistically. Whether due to a fear of disappointing people or a fear of not actually being good enough, my efforts to perform well have earned me plenty of high expectations. There is a version of me once so pathologically focused on my final destination that I can now hardly believe that used to be me. While being the conventional viewpoint, seeing milestones as endings now really makes me sad! My life isn’t a trophy case. Thinking about my graduations as a finish line is depressing. Considering my wedding day an achievement falls completely flat in my chest. Are those moments not the start of something greater? Would the effort and time invested in these journeys mean less if there were no regalia or ceremony involved in celebrating them? Is each goalpost not a widening of my life to include more? It’s infinitely more meaningful for me to see an accomplishment as the first line of a chapter, rather than as the commendation sticker on the cover of a published novel.

Even now, as I’ve had this shift in mindset, I cannot pretend there isn’t a strong narrative in our culture and to “dream big.” The immediate reaction is one that doubts if you do. And my thoughts? I need to win, don’t I? Of course I want to live a big life! I would hope this means a joyful life. My family and my home and my infinite hobbies and everything I’ve ever loved…. Isn’t that Dreaming Big?

Something I’ve heard many people say is that they interpret deja-vu as a sign that they’re on the right track in life. Between deja-vu and deja-rêvé, it’s a miracle I haven’t lost my mind. I think the first time I started looking for mystical coincidence was as a college freshman, palming crystals and tarot cards, always checking the nearest digital clock or license plate for an angel number (11:11 or 4:44) to prove my wishes were coming true at 19 years old. I’d ask for signs, sometimes get them– more often I would force them into view.

Eventually, I got bored of pretending these coincidences were organic. I had to admit at some point that I was bending the truth to be reassured in my desires. And not in a ‘manifest the reality you want’ way- in more of a ‘I’m such a victim of my circumstances that I need to be spiritually babied’ way. A relentless and desperate attitude towards your future, as it turns out, can lead to “signs” being everywhere and ultimately meaning very little.

Enter a new chapter, which I call my age of magical underthinking. Often, while staring past my computer into the garden, standing in the shower marveling at how my hair got so tangled, or some other daily mundanity, I feel the birth of curiosity– like that of a tiny star. Shortly thereafter, I hear a version of this question in the most unlikely of places, or encounter some kind of cumulative, all-encompassing response. As if I spoke my thoughts aloud, the world speaks back. Whether it’s through a friend, a stranger, or something that passes in front of me, it’s a very direct and unambiguous continuation of the thought that started in my mind. Almost like a non-evil version of “our phones are listening to us.”

When you’re living in alignment, you carry your questions with you. Of course you’re finding the answers everywhere!

Funny enough- a draft of this essay has been stuck in production since I published Part I of Living a Big Life several months ago. The grounding reference in Part II was always going to be Marty Supreme which came out Christmas Day 2025. It crossed my mind that the reference was only going to feel more clunky and irrelevant the more time went by, so I should really try to finish editing and publish this week. I mean, it’s been 6 months since I’ve heard anyone talk about the movie. Until just this weekend… Talk about the world speaking back! Unprompted, in line to order coffee, a new friend asked me point-blank if I had seen Marty Supreme, and what my thoughts were on the American Dream. Well, here they are:

Dream big! Live a big life! Be as big as you can! In honor of the New York Knicks winning the NBA Championship, I’ve chosen to finish this essay now.

Marty Supreme, an American film, was marketed with the tagline “Dream Big.” Lead actor, Timothée Chalamet, promoted the movie with irreverent grabs at shock value and grandeur. This marketing campaign included a neon orange blimp with just the movie title on the side, as bright as the Marty Supreme table tennis ball created in the movie. Timothée was the first person to stand on the Las Vegas sphere, yelling at the top of his lungs as the camera pans out to reveal yet another larger-than-life iteration of the neon orange ball. Legendary athletes and artists alike received a loud, 80s style Marty Supreme jacket. Timothée then posted their childhood photos online captioned with a rudimentarily handwritten “Dream Big.” I’d argue, not uniquely, that this bold and grandiose campaign started when Timothée won the SAG Award for best actor in 2024 for his performance as Bob Dylan in A Complete Unknown. His speech shook the waters for those who cared, with the polarizing admission that he is “in search of greatness” and wants to “be one of the greats.” From that acceptance speech through the release of Marty Supreme, Timothée embodied the scrappy, “never take ‘no’ for an answer” main character.

The movie itself, for those who watched the marketing campaign unfold, heard it’s a ‘movie about ping pong’, or even just watched the trailer, completely subverts expectations. Marty Mauser, scheming in the interest of achieving his self-indulgent goal, ends up returning home– with the film ending as he meets his newborn son. The “Dream Big” campaign is ironic considering that the custom orange Marty Supreme ball was never actually used for gameplay in the film, and unintentionally ironic since Timothée lost his 4th consecutive Best Actor nomination for the role. There are many such moments in the movie, including the vignette where the Japanese champion of the British Open (having beaten Marty in the final), returns home a hero to Japan and is broadcast at his hometown workshop- participating in family’s humble business between tournaments. We see multiple instances of Marty rejecting his family’s shoe store or their boundary-ignoring communal living. He believes his destiny is greater, and that it is his personal talent and skill, not his home, that makes his life worth living. He says, in full seriousness, to the woman carrying his unborn child, that he “has purpose” –– something she could never understand. He runs, and runs, and runs, only to end up facing his worst fear and instead of sinking into self-indulgent obscurity, he sheds tears of relief and joy while the needle drops into “Everybody Wants to Rule the World.”

Aren’t you nervous you won’t achieve what you thought you would? Don’t you feel like you’re behind? You’re still unmarried – or you barely graduated college – or you gave up on what everyone insisted you’d be great at – or you don’t have any career to speak of – or you haven’t had kids yet – or you’re not sure if you were Normal enough at that last party… You’re forcing yourself into a box and you’re constantly performing even when you say you’re genuine. You’re endlessly trying to prove yourself. Don’t you feel like you’re losing?

The American economy thrives on your insecurity. Modern achievement culture means you always lose. Rather than practice gratitude, we worship “independence” that constantly reminds us of how much we don’t have. You’re meant to feel small! That’s what keeps you buying things! That’s what keeps you feeling alone or misunderstood. That’s what keeps you scrolling… Of course you’re never doing enough. Of course you feel lost. The culture chasing capital “G” Greatness tells you you are at the center of everything, or at least, if you’re not, you should be. You’re defined by labels (“my love language is words of affirmation” / “I’m a people-pleaser” / “I’m protecting my peace”) and you’re told self-love is the highest form of success. The now-widespread therapy speak has led to two generations of young adults that have plenty of self-love, but no real self-respect or self-esteem.

Isn’t it ironic that radical self-focus produces profound loneliness?

So what? How do you live a big life or dream big without selling out? Is there any good way to get everything you want?

To live a big life you have to get used to living in the moment– because the moment is all there is. If you’re reliving past achievements or focusing solely on a future goal, your life is actually quite small. If you’re waiting for someone to tire of you, you don’t really exist at all– do you? If you see yourself as separate from what’s around you, you’re constantly scrambling to define yourself. By focusing on your thoughts, you kill the genius. Presence requires ego dissolution. You have to stop being the main character to actually inhabit your life.

I can’t begin to describe the absolute relief when that voice in my head stopped whining and calling me a fraud and shifted to steadily repeating “It’s not you– it’s not about you!”

Of course it’s not about me. It’s not about self-sacrifice, but maybe self-release? This is the difference between your thoughts and your mind. Your thoughts are drowning you, because they’re stories that you spend all your time believing. Your mind is everything that is. (Replace “mind” with soul, or heart, or spirit. Whatever resonates, it means the same in this context) The most self-respecting thing you can do in our culture isn’t telling everyone who you are or how they need to treat to you, it’s deeply engaging in the people around you.

Everyone wants a village, but no one wants to be a villager! No matter how many American Dream stories are sold, no one is above community. You’re a thread in a tapestry much larger than yourself. Thinking you’re special or wanting to be special doesn’t make you so and ruminating on yourself only takes you farther from what matters. It’s showing up despite the inconvenience – it’s smiling when you feel like sulking in the corner – it’s saying exactly what you mean – it’s offering yourself without affectation. It’s taking the image of yourself out of the equation. This is what earns trust and what wards away fear. “Self Love” can’t beat that.

I’m re-inventing the Allegory of the Cave from first principles, I guess… Your life is what happens when you stop thinking about yourself. With your head in the clouds and your feet on the ground, your life is bigger than you could even dream.